"Fight or Flight?"

Last night I had a fight with someone.

In my head.

I hate confrontation. I fear confrontation. If there is ever a fight or "hostile situation" on a reality show I usually change the channel until that part is over. If there is any conflict with a friend or acquaintance, I avoid them unless I absolutely have to talk to them or see them. Essentially, I am a coward when it comes to confrontation.

In my mind though, I fight with whomever I please. And during these hypothetical fights I am witty, concise, and I get to let all of my feelings out. Weirdly enough I don't always allow myself to "win" all of the arguments. A lot of times the situation in left unresolved. There is no happy ending, no "make up" hugs. I think the whole point of this type of mental exercise is to have the freedom to speak my mind without facing the consequences.

I usually only employ these thoughts if I feel like I'm in a situation where I really can't let my feelings be known, like if I feel like it will hurt a friendship, or if the person I have a grudge against is someone who means a lot to someone I care about. Part of the reason why I do this is because no matter how upset I may feel towards someone, I know that not all of my feelings are valid. Sometimes these fictitious fights are a way for me to see if there is a deeper problem below the surface, or to see if maybe the problem is me, and not the other person.

I also hope that if I get to freely speak my mind in my head, then hopefully I won't say something I regret to someone in real life. There are people who pride themselves in "standing up for themselves" and making sure that people don't "get away with things." I understand that up to a point. I wish I was more bold, and I applaud people who have that sort of courage. Some people take that kind of attitude too far though, like they feel like they need to teach people a lesson. Usually these type of people find fault in whomever they meet, and they think it's their job to "fix" it. I say that if you're going to be outspoken, be outspoken for a worthy cause. Granted, everyone has their own idea of what causes are "worthy," but bottom line, do you want to be known as a hero or as a jerk?